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My girlfriend’s mom talked to me about dance costumes that my girlfriend used when she was little.

When describing my girlfriend’s costumes, my girlfriend’s mom said one of them had ruffles.

“Do you know what ruffles are?” my girlfriend asked me.

She and her mom explained to me that ruffle is pleated fabric for decoration purposes that can be used in clothes such as my girlfriend’s dance skirt.

“When you say ruffles, I picture potato chips,” I said.

“But that’s why Ruffles are called Ruffles,” my girlfriend said. “It’s kind of wavy. That’s ruffles.”

Ruffles’ slogans

After reflecting about the word ruffles and the potato chips with the same name, I also reflected about the Ruffles’ slogan in my mother tongue Portuguese: “Ruffles, a batata da onda” (Ruffles, the wavy potato).

Just for curiosity, I searched for the Ruffles’ slogan in English. “RRRuffles have ridges,” according to Google.

I had to look up the word “ridge.”

“Ridge” is “the horizontal line formed by the juncture of two sloping planes, especially the line formed by the surfaces at the top of a roof,” according to The Free Dictionary.

Ridge, wave, ruffles.

Everything made sense.

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Every time I order fries at the McDonald’s drive thru, I am misunderstood.

Whoever is getting my order thinks I ordered Sprite. Sometimes I hate my accent.

“You have to say fries with a Southern accent,” my girlfriend told me one day.

Back at the McDonald’s drive thru a couple of days ago, I ordered fries again.

“They probably understood ‘Sprite,’” I told my girlfriend.

Seeing the red letters of the drive-thru screen forming the word “Sprite” made me mad.

I could not take it anymore.

“It’s friiiiiiiieeeeeeees,” I yelled.

I said the “ie” of “fries” the way Southern people pronounce the “ye” of “bye.”

“Not Sprite! I want friiiiiiiieeeeeeees,” I yelled once again.

As my girlfriend laughed, I saw “fries” replacing “Sprite” on the screen.

My girlfriend’s strategy worked.

Now I understand why Southern people say they speak two languages: English and Southern.

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I don’t quite remember how I learned the word “porta potty.”

Maybe I don’t want to remember…

But I have a guideline on how to pronounce it.

Say “porta” like the first part of the word “portable.” Then, say “Potty” like British people say “party.”

Tadam.

Porta potty.

“Arthur, you look like a porcupine,” my girlfriend said. “You are poky.

She continued saying she thought it was weird that “we say ‘pork-ee-pine,’ but we spell it ‘porc-u-pine.’”

Then it hit me.

“I thought it was ‘pork-pine,’” I said. “Like in Portuguese: ‘porco-espinho.’”

That’s how I learned how to spell porcupine.

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Because I went to Brazil during Christmas break to visit my family, I couldn’t practice my English too much.

My girlfriend went with me, though, and saved me from what would have been an Englishless three-week vacation.

So I got to learn some English during the break and fortunately didn’t forget the language.

My girlfriend taught me a new expression.

“Arthur,” she called me with a soft voice some time during the break. The soft voice means she wants me to do something for her.

I don’t remember what she asked me to do, but her wish/command was followed by “pretty please with a cherry on top.”

That expression is used to emphasize that whoever is asking for a favor really wants his or her wish to come true. Now, my girlfriend is using that expression for every favor she asks me to do.

Because I don’t really like cherries, such an expression is not that appealing. I used to give the cherry on top for my mom to eat.

The expression would be much more yummy if my girlfriend said “pretty please, with two scoops of mint chocolate ice cream, cashews, chocolate topping, and no cherries on top. No cherries on top!”

Just as an observation, even though “with a cherry on top” is not appelaing to me, I still have to do what my girlfriend asks me (to avoid a purple eye).

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Yesterday, my girlfriend and I celebrated our first anniversary.

She gave me a scrapbook. I didn’t know what that was.

“Do you know what scrap is, Arthur?” she asked me.

“Nope,” I said.

“Scrap means fragments, pieces,” she explained.

“Oh, crap but scrap,” I said in a tone of understanding.

So scrapbook is an album that you put pictures of you and your boyfriend or girlfriend. To be a nice scrapbook, one needs to decorate it.

My girlfriend had pictures of us separated by theme. Each page of the scrapbook is decorated according to a different theme. Two pages also have a dried flower that I gave to my girlfriend during the 12 months we’ve been together.

I can only say that I really like my anniversary present.

Thanks, Lindinha. I love you!

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I had to take the GRE exam because I am planning to go to grad school.

The GRE tests one’s knowledge on vocabulary among other things. So I’ve been memorizing English words for the past month that even native speakers have no idea what they mean.

Now, I use some of those words in normal conversations.

For some reason I don’t remember I used the word “fulminant,” which means abruptly and with great intensity, when talking to my girlfriend.

“Are you using these words because you studied them for the GRE?” she asked me after doubting that “fulminant” was a word.

I told her to stop making fun of me because I had a cold.”Just wait untill I ameliorate (get better),” I said, taking advantage of my GRE vocabulary.

I didn’t tell my girlfriend, but I don’t think I used the word “ameliorate” correctly.

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One of my Brazilian friends didn’t speak English very well in his first year at Winthrop.

He said he was in the airplane coming to Winthrop from Brazil, when a man approached him.

“Hey, what’s your seat?” the man asked.

“Rock Hill, South Carolina,” my friend said, thinking the man had asked him what his “city” was.

My friend said the man was kind of confused. In the end, though, they understood each other.